2005 Finale

Report by Tom Londrigan Jr.

Yes, it is the year 2005; the calendar can verify this fact.  This is where all semblance of the 2005 Lake Springfield Fall Finale ends.  First, it is not the final regatta of the year in the 4^th District.  It takes place four days before the fall begins.  And, this year it was held in Peoria.  George Orwell would have been proud.  Welcome to the 1984 Illinois River Summer Faux-Finale.

 Much of the United States has been soaked as a result of the effects of multiple Hurricanes, including the devastating Katrina.  Ironically, for the Midwest, these massive weather movements only stall out pleasant highs over the heartland.  The heat was on this summer and the water in Lake Springfield slowly diminished.  In August, the Illinois State Fair began in Springfield.  The fair ushered in heaps of spandex, horseshit, hawg dawgs (a hot dog wrapped in bacon and cheese and then deep fried), and thousands of our rural friends sucking down Lake Springfield to beat the heat.  By Labor Day, the boats could not be launched and we needed to move the event to Peoria.  By the way, the Peoria fleet was tremendous in their support of our regatta.  Their loyal team helped haul all the boats in and out of the water and their prize photographer, Charity, snapped hundreds of shots on her digital camera.  Every year she provides the sailors with a CD of the event.  Thanks again.

 Due to the Hurricanes, this summer was filled with sailing on zephyrs, whispers, and the slightest hint of a disturbance in the air.  Chaos theory reigned and a butterfly flapping its wings in Africa could have decided the District Championship.  This Saturday leaned heavily on Chaos theory as well.

 The RC postponed an hour then sent us out in a beautiful SE breeze from 165.  We tuned our boats while hiking and looked forward to three solid races; strict Chaoticians knew this to be an improbability.   Race one saw steady winds on the first leg with Jack Rickard/John Corrigan in the lead with Pat Londrigan/Mike Thomas, Todd Gay/Jon Klerk trailing.  A ten-year old boy in Hackinsack broke a figurine of two cats wrestling and Jack and John immediately dropped to the second half of the fleet within minutes.  As the race progressed, the wind did not.  A Bavarian suffering from bad sauerkraut relieves himself in a small town on the Baltic and the wind stopped on the final leg.  Jack and John sailed around everyone to recoup a third while Todd Gay/Jon Klerk held on to win.  Chris Wallner and I dropped four boats at the finish to end up seventh. 

 We were leading the second race.  Jeff Schafer/Mark Janus were in last place when they meandered over the right side of the race course and appeared to make a deal with the devil and rounded the next mark in second place.   Then both Jeff Schafer/Mark Janus and Rick Brethorst/Bob Carson rudely passed us on the third leg.  Something was going on over there on the right side of the course that warranted further investigation or maybe Chaos was still in control. 

Heading to the downwind finish, Rick and Bob did everything they could to edge out Jeff and Mark.  Rick yelled at Bob to release his pole, “the pole Bob, push your pole forward.”  Rick wanted Bob to extend the whisker pole forward across the finish line to win the race but something was lost in the translation and Bob seemed preoccupied with other “less than efficient” pole adjustments.  A Samoan on holiday in Manila peeled off a dead toenail, they passed Jeff and Mark and won anyway.  Fortunately, Chaos’ three-month reign seemed to end on Saturday.  15 knots of wind was forecasted for Sunday.

 By Sunday, Todd Gay/Jon Klerk and Pat Londrigan/Mike Thomas were tied for first with six points, Jeff Schafer/Mark Janus were third with eight points, and Rick Brethorst/Bob Carson and myself/Chris Wallner were tied for fourth with ten points.

 Sunday brought 12-15 knots of breeze from 170 degrees.  We fought for the Committee boat, tacked and headed for the right side to investigate.  We found both “velocity” and “current” were loitering there all day.  We led throughout the race working the right side.   “Velocity” and “current” continued to wander around the right side of the course, smoking cigarettes and whistling at girls.  Pat Londrigan/Mike Thomas were second and Todd Gay/Jon Klerk were third.  Now, the standings were a little tighter.  Pat and Mike had eight, Todd and Jon had nine and we had eleven.  Pat and Mike needed to beat Todd and Jon and stay within two boats of us.  Todd and Jon had to beat Pat and Mike and stay within one boat of us.  We just needed to sail and then do the math later in the race.

 The secret of the right side was out.  Again, we fought for the Committee boat so we could visit our right side friends but Pat and Mike won the Committee boat.  Chaos peeked in one last time and sent a bewildered Rick Rundle on a reach towards Pat and Mike, pleasantries were exchanged and Chris and I were given the window to tack and barrel out to the right.  Pat never recovered from the altercation.  We lead at the first mark with Todd and Jon in second.  This time Pat would not question the right side “hang out” and dug in hard.  However, a baboon in the Congo swatted a mosquito, Officer Bobrady dispersed the puffs and current on the right side, and now, the right side brought only punishment to its suitors.  The left side allowed Jack Rickard/John Corrigan to climb back into the race and third place. 

 While sailing downwind, we did the math.  Pat was staring into the abyss wondering whom he has to sleep with to get back in this race, no worries there for us, but Todd and Jon were on our tail.  We needed to push them back one boat in order to win the regatta.  Officer Bobrady advised the boys to “carry on” and the delinquents reconvened on the right side but his time brought their friend “major shift.”  Pat shot the dice one more time and tried to make sweet love to the left side.  After his lovemaking proved fruitless, Pat has to wonder if he somehow offended Chaos’ tawdry friend Karma. 

 Up the leg, we tried; we sat on Todd and Jon but to no avail.  Jack and John could not close the gap.  We finished the race in first but second to Todd and Jon in the regatta.  In retrospect, we should have let the sails out waited for Todd and Jon and tried everything possible to get a boat in between us.  Lesson learned. Congratulations Todd Gay and Jon Klerk winners of the 1984 Illinois River Summer Faux-Finale.  Peoria’s J. Holt Thomas Regatta is next weekend and we all expect Chaos, Karma, Charity, possibly Rita, and the boys to show up with their tassels on ready for another weekend of sailing.